The art of failure

Hello guys its the 23rd of February and 5 weeks into my paediatrics rotation, and suddenly I have less than 3 weeks to my exams. That's the scary thing about university. Mula2 relax, chill la exam lama lagi, study awal2 buat apa? Kiasu gila korang? EWW... Then WHAM!! You start panicking because exam is in 2 weeks and you haven't even started studying while your classmates whom started early mumbles to you how they're worried about their studies' and that they are soooo 'behind'.... BITCH YOU STUDIED ALREADY I HAVEN'T TOUCHED A BOOK THIS SEMESTER.

The thing about these medical exams is that there's a ton of pressure that comes with it. It's not just about reading books, but the work that needs to be done. You need to put in the hours son. You need to practice! You may read and feel that you've memorized everything, but if you haven't practiced and a patient is put in front of you.... Everything just goes... BLANK.

 You'll be stuttering ta ta ta tongue tied and your hands will shake like parkinsons. Your knees will be weak and your arms will be heavy. There'll be vomit on your white coat already. Mom's spaghetti. Then the Dr will ask you the simplest of questions 'What is the powerhouse of the cell?' and you won't remember because you're just thinking how you've failed yourself. Damn that's a scary thought.

Palms are sweaty, knees weak arms are heavy
there's vomit on his whitecoat already

And then there's the pressure of expectations. You've excelled through all your academics before and your parents have high hopes on you... Your grandma has told everyone at kampung that they're gonna be the nenek of a doctor..... And all your friends are telling you that they're gonna get MC from you once you become a Dr. They're all counting on you! Then there's the money problem, failing means you need to fork out money to repeat a test! Failing again means even more money and you may need to sell a kidney. And then there's the time issue. You're already gonna spend 5 years at med school, you don't wanna be failing again and again till you have to extend your studies to 6 or 7 years.... That's tooo longggg!!! BILA NAK KAHWIN??? More importantly.. BILA NAK KAYA??

But take it in your stride man, pressure turns coal into diamond. If you fail? Chin up. KEEP GOING. I'm not a perfect student you know, I've had my fair share of failures but one thing I won't do is let those failures keep me down. One saying from a movie that I keep close to heart:

Thanks bapak batman :')

Aku ingat lagi form dulu, ada 4 ujian addmaths... Sekali pun aku tak pass. I failed all of them, with my lowest score being 13%. 13%!!!*%&*$&# Looking back at the results, what was I doing? What did I learn in class lol. But I didn't say to myself that I couldn't do it. I didn't care what any teachers would say about me. I just persevered and looked for help from my friends and just worked hard until I got an A+ for SPM (saja nak bagitau). For me, you either succeed, or you learn.

Behind every success that people sees, there's many failures that no one cares about. But those are the points where you can learn and correct yourself. You can evaluate the process and improve upon yourself on how to get better. How to do things right. At the end of the day, those failures are gonna make you wiser. Not just in exams, but in life there's up and downs, there's things that you do right and things that you regret. Either way, you should learn from your experiences and to always strive to do what is right. And right now, I should be studying.

Till next time.